If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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