dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
