There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
