I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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