yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
