I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
FUCK WHALES
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
