I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
