Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
