i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
