She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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