So drunk its hurt
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
