i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
3 2 1 whiskey
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
