READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
