Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
