no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
