If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
