miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
