Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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