Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
