you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I party with great urgency now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
