I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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