I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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