Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My liver just broke up with me...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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