try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
