I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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