jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
