I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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