I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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