the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
