either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
