Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize