you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
