flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
