I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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