He told me they were just razor bumps!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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