i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
