You work out of a Hotel?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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