I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
