hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
