i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
