Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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