I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
