i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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