your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
