Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
