I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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