How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize