He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
