New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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