Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
