Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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