Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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