i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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