well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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