Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
where are you?
Hypothermia
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
