did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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