Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
only if we run a train.
done.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I forget how to act sober
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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