so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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