i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
