it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
