...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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