Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize