It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
