Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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