my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
