Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
