god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
