It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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