so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
