just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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