dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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